Archibald Giving Advice On Favorite Colors

Q: How do I decide what my favorite color is?

Archibald the TortoiseAnswer:

Ah, the old ‘favorite color’ dilemma, an easy problem to solve.

Now, one of the things that makes this an easy problem is that certain classes of people are virtually required to have a certain favorite color. For instance, if you are a girl with a bubbly personality between the ages of eleven and fifteen, your favorite color is pink. If you are what is generally termed a ‘Goth’ your favorite color is black.

Now, if you don’t fit into a category with an assigned favorite color there are some steps you can take to narrow your choices. The first, and most obvious, step is to discover if there are any colors you dislike. The easiest way to do this is to think of all the things that disgust and offend you, look for prominent colors, and remove all of those colors from your list of possible favorites.

At this point you should look over your list of possible favorite colors, and if one color stands out above the rest, or your list has been whittled down to one color, you now have a favorite color.

If, for some reason, you have a few colors on your list that you cannot decide between there is one more test that we can apply. Now, this test will only work if you have five or fewer colors remaining on your list. First you must obtain a hammer, or other heavy, blunt object. Then, assign a color to each finger. Once you have completed this preparation you may begin the test. Think of one of the colors, then hit the finger assigned to that color with the hammer. Remember exactly how much it hurts. Repeat the for all colors. The finger/color combination that hurt the most is your favorite.

And there you have it, Archibald’s guaranteed color-choosing method.

(Shout out to Kimberly who suggested this question. If you have any burning question or need of advice, leave a comment and Archibald will answer!)






5 thoughts on “Archibald Giving Advice On Favorite Colors

  1. You are completely ridiculous.

    I do not say this as a criticism. I say it with a tone of awe. At my most intentionally absurd, I do not come close to the amusement provided here. (At my most unintentionally absurd … well, I’d rather not dwell on it.)

  2. I will take that complement, and give it to Archibald. For I am not Archibald, Archibald is, in fact, himself and it wouldn’t be unfair to take his complement that is so obviously his for myself, when I am so obviously, or not so obviously, not him. That would just be rude, and he might become offended and not want to live on my blog or answer my questions anymore. Which would make me said.

    But don’t worry, myself I can be quite ridiculous, too!

  3. Our hostess is correct, though scattered and long-winded, in her assertion that I am not a pseudonym, persona, or personal friend of hers. I am merely an acquaintance, who has been given a lovely place to stay on the one condition that I occasionally answer simple questions.


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