I was sitting at the playground, swinging on the swings, when I saw a boy taking a selfie on the monkey bars. And just across the grounds they was a girl, doing something weird with her lips, and taking a selfie. Now beside me was my tortuous friend Archibald. And since he was quite a wise tortuous, and gave smashing advice, I asked him, “Archi, what do you think about Selfies? Hate ’em or love ’em?”
He took a long moment observing the two children before starting, in a wise tortuous like fashion, ” Now, I neither love nor hate selfies, scenically speaking I am neutral, but I do think that they are very sad. Yes, we all must pity the selfie-taker, for they have no one able or willing to assist them in photographing a simple self-portrait. Just imagine if out of all your friends, acquaintances, and relatives not one of them were willing or able to snap a snapshot of you! It is one of the saddest things in the modern world, that there are thousands, if not millions, so destitute of friendship that they must stoop to selfies. I have long pondered possible solutions to this crisis, but have discovered nothing with the slightest chance of reversing this terrible trend. Even my most promising idea was shown to be worthless during the preliminary research; I found my idea nearly perfectly realized in online dating sites, and those have done nothing to stop this calamity. I was so disheartened after that discovery that I nearly gave up all hope of helping these poor, friendless creatures. But! This simple question has stirred my resolve, and steeled my will to end this atrocity!”
He looked up at me, his little eyes sparkling with deep sincerity, “Although it be nigh impossible, I shall once again gird my loins and prepare for battle! (metaphorically speaking, of course) One thing I must do is ask you, and all those readers of that blog of yours, to assist me. I know that I cannot do this alone. I have tried, and failed many times. But, while working together, is not anything possible? The first thing I ask you to do is spread the word! Raise awareness for this horrible thing happening in our midst. Write a story about the plight of the selfie-taker! Film a documentary showing the kind of life they are trapped in! Pen an Epic poem telling of their sorrows! Paint a masterpiece, displaying in somber tones, the sorrowful and lonely existence of the selfie-taker! In any way you can, spread the word, for many people know nothing of this travesty afflicting our world, and do not know that selfie-takers suffer at all. So please help me to save these poor people, do your part to end this nightmare.” and with that he slowly started lumbering towards the selfie-takers, and I cocked my head to one side and watched him go; pondering upon his wise words.
(Shout out to Kimberly again!)